Hold On, It’s Coming

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hold on

Kathryn Denman at Flickr

What is it with God and the last hour?  Is it our desperation that provokes a level of faith most could not otherwise tap into?  Or is it God wanting us to know how desperate we are without Him. Maybe it’s both.

What I do know is, it is all for love, for good, and God doesn’t seem to mind the pain you may experience in the process.  Or perhaps His love is so great that the pain will work ultimately greater love in us, which is the highest good. So I experienced something I have been waiting the last eight years for.

There I am with the host of heaven in my mouth, looking at the stations of the cross as I return to the pew, and I look to God in prayer, ‘You have to move, do something!”  I’m not even sure what I’m asking, all I know is the last few months the enemy has given me a good beating.  Where is this Apostolate going?  What am I doing?  Have I heard the call on my life. or am I simply corn flakes.  Seriously friends, if God hasn’t set me apart for something in the vineyard that has to do with Gospel glory, I’m nothing short of a religious fruit cake.

Not five minutes pass and I exit the chapel of Our Lady of Good Help. On departing, Father Peter, who around the house we’ve joked is God’s Meek Lion, shakes my hand and asks me about having a spiritual director. Can you believe it?  I asked months before if they offered such services, being a religious order. Just in time, when I’m running on empty.

I met with a spiritual director years ago, Sister crazy train, one meeting and I thought I had become a Buddhist monk. Well Father Peter is another story.  Orthodoxy oozes out of his pours.  His zeal for personal holiness scares me.  Finally one I think can actually give direction to this spiritual war dog.

I haven’t been writing much the last couple of weeks.  Finding my footing, hopeful of what is to come, thanking the God who loves to come in the just-in-time way. This is the first time in eight years I have gotten a little favor from the ecclesiastical side of things. I had begun to wonder if it would ever come. I don’t know where the direction will go, but this I know, I’m ready to be directed. Waiting on the Lord is tough business, but better to receive what He has for us than to go looking for our Ishmaels.
God knows the beginning and the end.  He has the advantage of seeing all. So why talk to my readers about this?  Well if you are following the Lord, your circumstances are different for sure, but it is the same story told a thousand different ways. Believe what the Lord has told you.  Believe against all hope, let Him do it His way and in His time and He will make all things beautiful.