What does it mean that our heavenly Father knows how to give good gifts? It is a question I have pondered, well I guess complained about in my heart against God would be more accurate, for several years. We have spent a lot of time and money to make ourselves ready for his use, and hopeful that the work of our hands would enable us to provide more for our children. So far, we are still waiting for his plan to be revealed. And not always patiently. Usually, not patiently.
In the last week, we suffered a moderate setback when Brian hit a deer on his way home from work, the first time in 13 years of driving the 45 minute commute. The car was old, but reliable. It was old enough that keeping comprehensive insurance on it didn’t make financial sense. The added expense was too much, the probable payout too little to replace the car. With this amount of damage, I expect our insurance would have deemed it too costly to repair. So, I gave Brian the keys to my Yukon and chose to wait upon God.
I made a willful decision to wait upon God, and not in a “God will fix this for us,” sort of way. I mean, I didn’t place any demands, I just chose to wait and see, which is totally out of my character. I am a problem solver, by nature. We could have tried to make all sorts of decisions to fix our situation. But I have learned that trying to care for ourselves without waiting on God’s will and timing is disastrous. I offered God the opportunity to work, if it was his will, and chose to look forward to a few months in the future when we’d have the finances to do something more, if that was his desire for us. I made plans to work with the situation instead of around it. I invited his presence with us, but didn’t hold onto expectations which would only lead to desperation, hurt and despair.
Our daughter’s truck took this opportunity to drop the drive shaft.
Now, how is a family of 10 at home, with a working outside the home father with a 45 minute each way commute and often 10- to 12-hour workdays, a daughter with a part time job, and a school that does not bus children within city limits supposed to work that out? I really don’t know. I knew we didn’t have the ability to snap our fingers and resolve the whole situation. I re-committed to wait and see.
So, Brian pushed his day back 90 minutes or so, to drop the kids off at school. The kids walked home. Daughter got a ride to work, then waited until he finished his day, to pick her up 30 minutes after her shift was over. Kindergarten teacher called the first day that my daughter ran out of changes of clothes. I couldn’t bring any to her, but they had some spare pants. There are challenges. So far, we have survived.
God stirred my dad’s heart to offer a plan. Worried about my inability to tend my kids in an emergency, he called to see what we could do about the situation and work out a way to replace our car sooner rather than later. The next day, Brian’s boss suggested he keep the work truck here at home until we get our vehicle situation resolved. That will enable me to keep my truck here every day.
These things are God moving within the situation, to care for us and give us good gifts. These things are not the miracles.
The miracle here, is God’s movement in my heart — to teach me to place my trust in Him alone, and show me that I am much more valuable to him than sparrows, but I have to be still and let him be God.