Anxiety has bee plaguing me most of the summer. I know intellectually that God is calling me to a deeper trust in Him and rely on His timing. But I’m still wrestling emotionally. My husband is employed in a dying industry. He relies mainly on commissions, and over the past year our already strained single income has been down $2-400 dollars a month. We usually see a summer bump, which allows us to put a little away for winter when fuel bills are high and income is low. But no such bump. We’ve committed our way of life to radical obedience to the precepts of the Church. Even when it doesn’t make sense to others. I’ve become increasingly anxious and searching for God’s provision in this. And He seems frustratingly silent.
Into Assumption Mass on Thursday, I carried all my baggage and placed it at the altar, again. I knelt in prayer after receiving Holy Communion, his flesh in my mouth, and I apologized and begged for Hope. As I renewed my commitment to His Service and devotion to Him, I noticed the host changing flavor. It became sweet and tasted like pure honey. The flavor remained on my tongue long after I consumed the host. Immediately, I recalled the line from the Psalms, …sweeter than honey from the comb.
I looked it up later, knowing there was a promise there. Psalm 19.
7The law of the LORD is perfect, restoring the soul;
The testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.
8The precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart;
The commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes.
9The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring forever;
The judgments of the LORD are true; they are righteous altogether.
10They are more desirable than gold, yes, than much fine gold;
Sweeter also than honey and the drippings of the honeycomb.
11Moreover, by them Your servant is warned;
In keeping them there is great reward.
The entire Psalm speaks exactly to my thoughts and prayers. Don’t you love when that happens? I pray for God’s help to leave my baggage at that altar and not pick it up again.