My Tale of Conversion
When one tells their story it’s like snap shots of key moments in life, our blog is about the beauty of Catholicism so I suppose I shall tell some of my moments that shattered my God comfort zone. I’m a dreamer; they started at thirty years of age, not dreaming but what I’d call God dreams. Obviously it took more than visions of the night to bring me into the Church yet they made a deep impact on me.
A story of love misunderstood
When I was in my early twenties as a new Christian I was in deep pain from living such a compromised, immoral life in my teens. Shame and despair overtook me. I was from Portland, Oregon, land of the weird and amoral, and I embraced it in my prodigal years. On my return home I was gripped with how little I loved and honored my Lord; it broke my heart. I self-loathed, to the point of physical illness that lasted a couple years, and yes the demonic was definitely involved, but I had no wisdom in dealing with these things being raised in a nominally evangelical Christian home. And then it happened.
I was lying in bed and God was going to speak, audibly or interiorly I couldn’t say, what I can tell you is I couldn’t stand it. The weight of His voice was like the sound of many rushing waters, yet I couldn’t even hear it. I saw without seeing an angel’s wing and I couldn’t bear it’s glory. It was like God knew what I was saying without speech. I said in my heart, “No, I can’t stand it!” Then it happened.
I heard a woman weeping over my entire body, the deepest wailing, as if her agony for me went into my bones. I saw an image of an ivory Madonna while this was taking place in the vision. I was set free after this encounter, and the power of doubt, despair, and self-hatred was broken. Over the next few years God drew me into a deep intimacy with Him that set the precedence for the next 20 years. I have so much to be thankful for, our God is a mighty deliverer. I had no frame work to understand the woman; I knew the encounter was God but was incapable at the time of understanding the woman, and the ivory Madonna, I simply rationalized it away ascribing it to the mystery of God.
Fast Forward over a decade
My sister has lost her mind. She has done the unthinkable. She has become Catholic. To make things worse she has gone bananas for Mary and she’s going tell me all about it. At the height of our impassioned argument I say,” Jenny what is she, the stone the builders rejected?,” she responds,” Yes, and shes a rock that makes them fall.” I’m so flustered at this point I head for bed; it was one of those late night conversations. My family had been staying at her house. I go down the stairs to bed where my wife Lily is and say,” She’s lost it she has gone Mary crazy!”
No sooner do I fall asleep than I hear the voice of the ivory Madonna calling and this is what I heard,” It was I who wept over your body.” On waking the Holy Spirit was washing all over my body as tears ran down my face, waking my wife to share what had just happened. “It was Mary, it was Mary who wept over me!” While my heart rejoiced, my intellect was baffled.
All I can say is “wow!” Thanks for sharing.
[…] my story makes me break out in a smile; it would be hilarious if it were not me I was watching. Meeting the Mother of God in dream state was just the beginning. ‘a0I was a bit of a tough nut to crack.’a0 My next tale may […]
[…] Following my prior tales of the Mother of God, I have failed to live out that which I received from the Holy Spirit. I received enough revelation about Mary to accept the dogmatic statements of the Church, while failing to embrace her fully as she is as person, as Mother and Mediatrix of grace amongst other teaching. Why would I do this? ‘a0It’92s simple. ‘a0I was comfortable being Christocentric in my little bubble of the Kingdom and I was afraid to practice what I knew to be true. But God is not concerned about my comfort level, or my fear. He is saying to me, even to all of us, “thy Kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” ‘a0He wants us to go up and in, deeper and further, casting off restraint to live on the edge of faith, hope, and love. To have courage as opposed to fear, faith instead of doubt and self-protection.’a0 Let me tell you friends, it is not safe to have a static Bible and think eternal light could only be quoted chapter and verse. The Kingdom is not static. ‘a0It is pushing forward to a climax of resurrection glory, where the Mother of God has received her eternal reward. ‘a0To fear her or doubt her glorification is to fear and doubt our own glorification that awaits us, for she is the first fruits of our new humanity, my Mother and your Mother. […]
[…] Fantastic Tales of Conversion Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. […]
[…] Tales of Conversion part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to like this post. […]
[…] of Conversion part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4, and Reflections. Share this:TwitterFacebookLike this:LikeBe the first to […]
[…] I’ve told my Marian story in some what detail even to the present. See Tales of Conversion. […]
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