Noah’s poem brought to mind a real encounter I had with Abba while I was in a very vulnerable emotional state. My teenage years were full of turmoil and neglect, particularly at the whims of my father. While many children have faced the abandonment of parents, the contrast between the father who adored me as a child and the man he would become as I entered my teen years wreaked havoc with my psyche with echoes that still resound today. It is so hard for me to reconcile not only the doting father of my childhood, but the absent father of my youth and also the father and grandfather today, with whom I have a amiable relationship and whose company I do enjoy. It wasn’t solely that my parents divorced and my father left, as sadly happens routinely in our current culture, but that he had full custody at the time, and my younger sister and I were not involved with my mother at all. He had chosen a new relationship over his children, and put her between us.
Once I left for college and was out of the situation, I attempted to bridge the gap that had erupted between us, and wrote him a letter detailing all my experiences and pain of the previous few years. I hoped it would provide an avenue for us to dialog, just the two of us. But he rejected my entreaty, and berated me for trying to cut my step-mother out of the picture. That was the last I would speak to him for years. But that night, after having spent all the tears I had within me, I had a vivid dream that moves me even today. It was simple, and sweet. I was cradled lovingly in the lap of my Creator seated on His throne, who squeezed me tightly and soothed me with His all-consuming presence and love. There was no more than that, but it drew a division between my earthly father who failed me and my heavenly Father who loved me, appreciated me, and caressed me as a precious child. Usually, when one cries oneself to sleep, one is achy and exhausted on awaking. But this night, I slept the most sound, most peaceful and most restful sleep I have ever experienced.