Out of the Grey
Gray day is mine it was expected to shine, the night comes her faded white dress hovers over her clouded shame could this be my wedding night.
Expectation lost in a plan went wrong now sentenced to carry a shame not my own. I have become one with sacrament, anti-love that brings forth a golden calf of despair.
This is my hour, the time of reckoning has come, faithless son left His Father’s house to find a pig amongst the pigs to take for my own.
Burned and scorched the sorrow took so long to fade no exits in the promise I made.
The blossoming truth unfolds married to Hosea’s wife, the mantle of a prophet I had yet to know
Is this justice for a wayward Son, Father I have sinned and my sins have found a home in my wife.
A time of reckoning, a vigil of pain, curse God and die, or be broken into surrender to find my way home.
Gomer sees a merciful God but cannot shake her shame. The demon that haunted her followed her into her new life where all things have been made new but her shame.
So broken, so fragile, so incapable of selfless love, rage turned to a mourning that could not fade.
Distance you cannot come in, this was my plan of pain, I wish I was lost in God never to return, looking for love in darkness, in all but God.
Over the tiring years I have tried to find my way back to her, not wanting, wanting, forgive as total gift of self, to give perfect love in the presence of a sacramental hate.
She begged for my hand, for my person, only to be violated. With me impossible, with God all things are possible.
Children and life have come and gone and I awoke knowing the truth. She is gone.
That pig I brought to my house so many years ago has died, with her self loathing shame. All that is left is my wife
my Lily, the mother of my twelve children, my life, my love, my forgotten pain who taught me the love of Christ. Father I have come home with a wife.
[…] I am a dreamer; I did some recent posts about God’s timing, moving in the wave, being hidden, my private crosses, and my attempts at selfless love among other things. Now I’d like to share why I think it is […]
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