Generally speaking, our prayers usually miss the mark particularly regarding ourselves. For sure God is active in our lives, but not in the way we would prefer or imagine. This has happened to me so many times, it is of no surprise whatever. We would do well not to tinker around to much with our interior selves and leave that part to God. Now, I’m not speaking of habitual bad behavior, take that to confession. Rather those things that have shaped us, scars, hurts, wounds. The things of life. God in His way uproots these things in His time by His means. We may take five rights when one was enough because God is driving, even if we think we are.
When we finally arrive, we often realize the journey was the whole point of the process and not the destination. Recently I encountered such a vision in the night. I was driving a firebird without brakes, then hanging on for dear life to a sissy bar on a hog. Finally a loved one came to me with a pair of shoes, lovingly put them on my feet and held my hand.
The message was clear to me, I had been hoping for one thing but God had something better. A pair of shoes? Is this a joke God? It was the person putting them on my feet that counted, with love and care. I have lost my faith in people. This friend in the dream was, I think, the touchdown of this loss of faith in love. Ever since then I have guarded my heart from others, to one degree or another. God was showing me my real need–not some exterior excess of provision, but the interior need to receive healing from those I’ve loved most. It is me that needs to change, not my circumstances, and my circumstances will not change until I do. We are always two steps ahead of God when it comes to external life and more times than not five steps behind when it comes to the secret place of our souls.
God told me the fear of man would be broken off me eight years ago. Could this be the fear He was speaking about, as I’ve puffed out my chest and said, “Lord I fear no man but you.” “Oh yeah, you’re afraid to be loved. You’re afraid to be hurt, afraid to let go, afraid to be restored, afraid to be vulnerable.”
Some how letting this person put on my shoes and hold my hand is more profound than any dream relating to my personal life. Lord let me be free of the fear of man, the fear of being loved!